Today

Today, on this grayish day, I miss all the little things I never got to go through with you, my little one.

"Losses do that. One life-loss can infect the whole of a life. Like a rash that wears through our days, our sight becomes peppered with black voids. Now everywhere we look, we only see all that isn’t: holes, lack, deficiency."
— Ann Voskamp (One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are)



I miss feeling your first tiny kicks and wondering if it was you or my latte. 

I miss wondering about what a fourth combination of Arbuckle-ness might look like.

I miss watching the rounding of my swelling middle.

I miss smiling as Daddy whispers sweetness through my belly to your little ears.

I miss just knowing that I am carrying a mighty miracle inside my own body. 


Mostly, I miss your little face, which I had the gift, the pleasure of knowing ever so briefly.



"Christian hands never clasp and He doesn't give gifts for gain because a gift can never stop being a gift - it is always meant to be given."

— Ann Voskamp (One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are)